Maintaining successful marriages requires work

Last week, Jon and Kate Gosselin began the process of becoming part of a new generation — Generation EX.

Sadly, this couple, who are parents of two sets of multiples and appear on the popular TLC cable television program “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” filed for divorce in Pennsylvania.

Allegations of infidelity on both sides have flooded the scandal sheets since the couple apparently separated more than six months ago. It is a sad situation for the couple as well as their eight children. One thing is clear: The couple’s marriage and marital vows didn’t come first.

Keeping a marriage successful is important to being good parents. These two obviously lost sight of that.

For those interested in making their marriage infidelity-proof, iVillage Syndication Web site offers these tips:

• Insulate and protect your marriage against emotional infidelity by avoiding friendships with the opposite sex. Often, attempts at making a marriage better fail when much of the marital energy is diluted by outside factors.

• Codependence is a necessary ingredient for a successful marriage. You and your spouse must dare to need each other. It isn’t enough to want your spouse. Needing each other is more important than individuality and independence.

• Your marriage must have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan for achieving them. The difference between a business proposal and a marriage proposal is extraordinary. Couples must understand what it is they are looking for.

• Like any working partnership, your marriage needs well-defined roles for each spouse.

• Acceptance is about appreciating, not settling.

• Your marriage has to come first — before kids or your job — and requires daily focus: Touch-points, talk-points, date night and honeymoon night.

• Your childhood has a great deal to do with your ability to enjoy a great marriage. Having a meaningful understanding of your past and how it affects your ability to love will have a great impact on your marriage.

• Great sex comes not from great sexual skill but from sharing your deepest, shyest self while trusting your partner.

• Your child is one of your best tools for creating a great marriage. Don’t have a great marriage in spite of your children. Take your children on a family journey that will enhance your marital relationship.

• Marriage has many stages. You need realistic expectations for each one.

• Your in-laws can strengthen your marriage. (This isn’t always a fundamental issue in marriages, but we’ve found it can really cement a relationship.)

Maintaining marital harmony isn’t always easy, but it is surely worth the effort to avoid the painful journey to become part of Generation EX.